At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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