Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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