i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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