i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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