I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
