Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my sisters under your porch take her home
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
