Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
50% drunk capacity currently
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
