...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
