I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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