Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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