you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
