apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
