so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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