I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
