i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
