I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
