I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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