I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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