Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
