I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
