I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize