Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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