the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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