After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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