So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
