new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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