ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
