Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
