You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
