im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
