now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Small penises have feelings too.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
