i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
