i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
