i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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