If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
