so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
