I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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