Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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