Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
