I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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