K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
