I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
