Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
