You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
