respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
