You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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