i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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