you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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