laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
