It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The air taste purple.
Randomize
