I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
