I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
