I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize