As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
