And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
