Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
