Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.