My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back