Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.