how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
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He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?