You really coming over, don't trick.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
