Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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