these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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