I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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