i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize