Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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