I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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