My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
